Hours ago, I was still sheding angry tears, angry with myself for not doing better in sem 1 and not getting those awards which I really need, angry with myself for not saving up all these while, angry with myself for being so helpless now.
I am not going for the SEP that I have been looking forward to and planning for nearly a year. So much excitement, so much emailing and calling. No more.
Now, as I typed on, I heaved a sigh of relief.
Had a talk with mom yesterday. She told me her plans of saving up for my trip! she said she is going to save 1K per month and by January, with my own savings, I would be all ready to go.
I know she would do anything just for me to go because she knows I really want this. She knows I am serious about this trip when her precious daughter, who had never saved a single cent, started when ck bought her a piggy bank! (in this case, I really mean a pig).
But do I want her to save all that for me? I felt so heartbroken when she told me with this really sad voice, that she used the first 1K she saved for my sister's school fees which my dad didnt manage to pay for.
She was trying so hard to make ends meet and here I am acting like a spoilt kid standing in front of this really expensive toy that would use up all her money and still insisting that I want it.
After talking to Janet and ck, I know what I want already. All the talk about learning from SEP and how much I really want to go, in fact, I have already learn so much from SEP!
I saw how much my mom loves me, how much she is willing to do just to give me the best that she can give. (seriously not like I need sep to show me how much she loves me haha.) I learn how to save, and the importance of saving.
Most importantly, I now know I want more than anything else in the world for my mom to be happy. She doesn't need all this pressure from me to come up with the money for my trip. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't need to give up all that she wants just so to save up for all that I want.
so, I am not going on my SEP trip anymore but I will still continue to save as much as I can so maybe, just maybe! I can accompany boyfriendd to US before school starts! for a short trip which doesnt cost as much as SEP? ;) who knows! (:
Hours ago, I was still sheding angry tears, angry with myself for not doing better in sem 1 and not getting those awards which I really need, angry with myself for not saving up all these while, angry with myself for being so helpless now.
I am not going for the SEP that I have been looking forward to and planning for nearly a year. So much excitement, so much emailing and calling. No more.
Now, as I typed on, I heaved a sigh of relief.
Had a talk with mom yesterday. She told me her plans of saving up for my trip! she said she is going to save 1K per month and by January, with my own savings, I would be all ready to go.
I know she would do anything just for me to go because she knows I really want this. She knows I am serious about this trip when her precious daughter, who had never saved a single cent, started when ck bought her a piggy bank! (in this case, I really mean a pig).
But do I want her to save all that for me? I felt so heartbroken when she told me with this really sad voice, that she used the first 1K she saved for my sister's school fees which my dad didnt manage to pay for.
She was trying so hard to make ends meet and here I am acting like a spoilt kid standing in front of this really expensive toy that would use up all her money and still insisting that I want it.
After talking to Janet and ck, I know what I want already. All the talk about learning from SEP and how much I really want to go, in fact, I have already learn so much from SEP!
I saw how much my mom loves me, how much she is willing to do just to give me the best that she can give. (seriously not like I need sep to show me how much she loves me haha.) I learn how to save, and the importance of saving.
Most importantly, I now know I want more than anything else in the world for my mom to be happy. She doesn't need all this pressure from me to come up with the money for my trip. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't need to give up all that she wants just so to save up for all that I want.
so, I am not going on my SEP trip anymore but I will still continue to save as much as I can so maybe, just maybe! I can accompany boyfriendd to US before school starts! for a short trip which doesnt cost as much as SEP? ;) who knows! (:
